Monday, October 20, 2014

A Whole Lotta Nope, Part 2

Last time on A Whole Lotta Nope we discussed the impending clown apocalypse.  This time I will present to you the next threat to your existence: Giant Animals.

The Goliath Bird Eater has been trending on Facebook recently, and for good reason.  I knew on an intellectual level that these spiders existed, but have never allowed it haunt me at night.  All of that ended when I saw this simple picture.  Apparently, this furry little guy is the size of a small puppy.  There are those in Europe and North America who seek after these cuties as pets.  While not venomous to humans, their fangs can be two inches long.  For anyone who thinks this creature might be a fun addition to your home, allow me to paint you a picture-

You recently welcomed little Fido-Fang into your home.  The kids think he's great.  You've made him a lovely home in larger than usual terrarium.  As you're sleeping that night you feel something soft cuddling up to you on your chest.  It would be logical to conclude that your chihuahua Gigi has come in to snuggle.

As you start to pet Gigi you quickly realize something amiss.  Gigi is a little less soft than usual, and there seems to more little legs than usual.  You slowly open your eyes to see this:
Ain't he a doll?
SDLKFNGNSUDFBUDFBDNKGBDFGGISDHLDV,ZNXCVIA FIDO ATE GIGI. Obviously  you do the only logical thing you can think of.  Scream like a banshee, flee the house (it's too late for Gigi, but remember to grab the kids on your way out) and burn your house down, hoping against hope that Fido didn't make it out alive.  But you know that's probably too much to ask for.  He will hunt you down.  He will find you. And he will kill you.

For the good of your house, your life, and poor little Gigi, don't seek one of these monsters for a pet. Let's all agree to keep them in the rainforest where they belong.

You're Welcome.


No comments:

Post a Comment